Last night, after a weekend with our family, I decided to trim my hair on my own.  I didn’t EXACTLY know what I was doing, but I knew I wanted it to look more like a style and less like a uniform thickness.  I trimmed all the sides, the back, layered the top so when it is styled, my hair would be less thick and have a more natural reaction to products.  I loved it, except for the little batches of extra growth at the base of my head.  I nicely asked Hubster if he could help trim that area with the clippers.  I then admitted I had trimmed my head.  I was a little shy, but I was hoping he would look at it and be impressed…. instead, he barely even looked at it and in an almost scolding tone, asked why I would ever cut my own hair. He didn’t bother looking at or getting up to help me.  

I walked away feeling so rejected and hurt with the lack of support.  

I began working on it myself.  Everything went well, until my arm slipped from behind my neck, resulting in the clipper to grab an area of hair that was not meant to be touched.

I had a bald spot on the back of my head!

I was pissed.  And hurt.  And so hard on myself.  When Hubster found out I screwed up, he jolted out of the recliner to get a look for himself. I made him leave as the tears welled up.  He was apprehensive in helping but overly curious at my folly.  I just knew he was going to laugh, at my expense.  The more he pushed to see, the harder it was to keep the tears from flowing.  

Hubster never did see my bald spot.  I wore a scarf to cover it up.  I’ll be doing this for a little while. Thank goodness my hair grows fast.

I left for a morning meeting I had scheduled with some of my neighbors to further check out this miracle cream.  I have never been this enthused over a product. Until now.  :)  I’m looking forward to working with great people and great product that will also help gain more financial independence from the facility we are dependent on.

I’m still having a hard time refraining from reacting to Hubster. He knows to push my buttons, and I’m finding I’m constantly on “fight” mode.  Constantly trying to defend myself or my stance on something I believe in.  I have to learn to step back, and not care, for us to have a chance, for him to look at me with any type of affection.