I woke up this morning with complete refreshment.  I didn’t mean to fall asleep with the kids when I put them down for bed, but I woke up when they did and truly enjoyed everything about my morning.  We fought imaginary dinosaurs and dragons in the living room abyss. Sought safety in the bathtub since dragons don’t like water- duh. 

Got dressed and ready for a local church I liked a while ago.  Today was no different.  The people were so sweet, so genuine in their interaction.  I truly felt welcomed and appreciated.  It was easy for my jaded thoughts to cloud the reason I’m even going back to church, but I found I was able to shake off the poisonous thoughts without much effort.  

I need to find supportive and seasoned mentors and encouragers. I need to feed my faith.  I need to be an example for my children. I need to give my Hubster a chance and hope for a miracle. 

I took one of my girls to the movies since she was the only one at home [my job pays for outings like- yet another thing to be thankful for].  She chose The Big Year.  Thinking it would be a comedy, it was more of a touching/inspirational story about pursuing your passions in life.  It was refreshing to see a movie in Hollywood surprise in the form of modesty and respect for the characters.  When it’s easy to assume a character is sleeping with another man, she remains faithful to her husband- but makes the healthy decision to say she can no longer stay in the marriage because her husband lets his obsessions take over his life.

It can be so easy to think or want an easy way out to meet our own immediate needs.  But nothing is more rewarding than respecting the person you love.  If there’s a chance for healing, this one quality will surely be cherished.  Right?  

I later took this girl out for sushi- expose her to a little culture.  She was less than pleased with the experience and practically swallowed a Big Mac to keep her from dry heaving.  Whatever.  It was nice having one-on-one time and getting a chance to reward positive behavior.  

There is a lot of good I can do where I’m at.  I’m currently not strong enough to handle the pressures without a supportive spouse.  But I can’t rely on him.  I can’t place my level of happiness in him.  I did that for too long- longing for connection we lost.  Healing, lots of it, needs to take place.  In me, in him and in us.