January 2010
24 posts
10 tags
655 Days: Difficult Perspective
655 Days to go
What are difficult few days? What tears apart my hope, the moment I begin to get a handle of the mere idea of it? It’s a constant struggle, a war almost in obtaining the peace I have been searching. I can not back down. I can not give up. So many thoughts race. I want to die every time I make a mistake. Every time. Feelings of betrayal, shame, disappointment and...
8 tags
658 Days: Being Grateful
658 Days to go
“For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Galations 5:14
This is what my friend encouraged me with the other day. Her words are still ringing through my ears.
I know I express my frustrations in my relationship, but I feel its important to note how much I enjoy Mister Hubster. Especially lately. Ever since Hubster...
8 tags
659 Days: Therapy with the Baby
659 Days (to go)
Went in for my psychologist appointment this morning. Got a mini-lecture from the therapist about having to keep it light since I brought the baby in. “They can pick up on emotional excitement.” True. Should have thought of that. “They can also be a distraction.” Good golly, I screwed up didn’t I. I sat for almost half the session trying to...
Disqus comments!
Finally enabled comments! I’m super lame and haven’t activated them, so I found a Tumblr theme w disqus options built in. Enjoy.
5 tags
662 Days: Friends are a Gift from God
662 Days (to go)
Today I let Mister Hubster wake up with the boys. We got ready after a long, disorganized mess of going back and forth all morning. Our plan is to go up to LA, see family and head out to Disneyland tomorrow. It’s expected to rain all week. We headed out to lunch at our latest fave, Panera (the same place with the cute girl The Hubster talked with).
All was well,...
“Cure the symptoms, cure the disease.”
~ Michael Crichton, from “The...”
5 tags
663 Days: Scheduling ahead of crisis.
663 Days (to go)
I’m spiraling down. My good attitude is trampled by the lack of concern Mister Hubster portrays. There are already stresses present in the work environment, so it doesn’t help that we were willing to work a split shift all day with little notice. I tried sleeping in, but The Hubster wasn’t paying attention to the kids jumping on the bed trying to wake me up. ...
9 tags
664 Days: Stepping Back,Trying to Learn My...
664 Days (to go)
Somehow, I’ve screwed up my calculation of days left. So I’ve editing a few days’ entries and will now default to a date calculator from now on.
The first day without Mister Hubster working was supposed to be a good one, for me mostly. I figured I would get more help and rest, maybe get some much needed deep cleaning done. We had a meeting that...
“Rather than viewing a brief relapse as a failure, treat it as a challenge and...”
“I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become.” -Oprah Winfrey”
Greek humans
justbesplendid:
In greek mythology, it’s said that humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them apart and condemned then to spend their whole lives searching for their missing halves.
6 tags
666 Days: God's Answering Prayer!
666 Days (to go).
God does answer prayer. My daughter can move her arm and my depression, for the most part is finding its balance through medical treatment.
Mister Hubster and I had a meeting with our boss and was able to replace a staff member that was causing too much stress in our household (we live and work in a foster youth group home).
The latest answer to prayer could very well...
5 tags
669 Days: Hypo what?
669 Days (to go).
Feeling sick and overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with my responsibilities while feeling physically and often emotionally drained. The past couple days have been extremely awkward. Like being sick is some sort of inconvenience on Mister Hubster. He was snappy with me and distant. I couldn’t keep up with the boys, so I gave them Cheerios and cerial bars while playing every...
8 tags
Therapy Session
Had my therapy appointment today. Good things to ponder about. She was concerned about my energy and quality of sleep. She picked up on my fidgety mannerisms and I realized I was running on pure adrenaline. Talking about quality of sleep reminded me of a dream I had last night and the dream I had the other night.
Last night’s dream was just as disturbing: I was being raped by my Uncle,...
675 Days: Awkwardly Affectionately
675 Days (to go).
Last night one of our girls walked into the living room, shocked “Your actually sitting next to each other watching TV. That’s just weird.”
I hate that it’s “weird” to them. But its weird to me too. I’m affectionately awkward around my own Hubster. I’m second guessing his thoughts when I make even the slightest gesture. ...
Mister Hubster calls
Mister Hubster: get the boys dressed and meet me
Me: for what?
Mister Hubster: we're going to Disneyland.
Me: !!!!! :-)
674 Days: Crazy Pills are helping :-)
674 Days.
Overall, my emotional outbreaks are at a minimum. I’m sure my meds help. These Crazy Pills, as referred to by the girls I work with, seem to be doing the trick. They don’t make me happy as much as they bring me to a more calm state. I’m still pretty irritable, but that might need a minor adjustment or two. For the time being I’m working on getting the...
My crazy disturbing vivid dream
CRAZY dream the other night!
I’m vivid dreamer- I’m sure it doesn’t help that my circumstances can give me some strange plots to work off of, but this by far one of the strangest and most disturbing dreams I’ve had in a long time…
I dreamt that I was in a hostile territory, with Mister Hubster to protect me. Only thing is, I felt more abandoned than protected. ...
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to...”
– John Pierpont (via kari-shma) (via quote-book) (via iamchrysanthemum)
677 Days: Positive past for positive future
677 Days.
Instead of always dwelling on the negative, as The Mister Hubster insists I do, I will make a point to reflect on the positives.
Here are the highlights of my 2009, the things in my life that made me smile.
Played WOW, leveled to 80 and raided alongside Mister Hubster
Played Webkins and enjoyed getting my niece money to buy things for her sparkly pink dragon, Frandalina
Convinced...